My hard drive died. Everything is gone. EVERYTHING IS GONE. 5500 digital pictures. Andrew's life. Andrew's entire life. All of my work files. All of Tom's work files. All of my favorites. Everything. Everything is gone.
Last month, I submitted some of my scrapbook layouts for publication for the first time. It was for an upcoming book based on Becky Higgins' sketches. Well, the calls have started. I'm very excited, very nervous, and already depressed. How do these emotions go hand in hand. They're only choosing about 2% of the layouts that were submitted; therefore, the odds that I will get called are slim to none. But, damn, 4 of my 7 layouts are good! ;)
Sleep. It seems like such a simple thing to do. Simply put your head down, close your eyes, and you should go to sleep. Simple. No biggie.
So, why isn't it happening for me? I try. I really do. When I get to bed by 10, I'm up around 3. When I try to stay up later to make myself sleepier, I'm so tired and wired that I can't get myself to fall asleep.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about my scrapbooking style and if I even have one. I just can't seem to master the collage style. It's very busy, heavy on technique and I just don't think I have the necessary talent to "see" scrapbooking that way. That style also seems to take the focus away from the photographs and I want to really highlight the photographs. Working on the BH sketches (7 of them) and the SS schemes (9 of them), as well as the Pub Simple Challenge (3 of them) has shown me that I am a decent scrapper. But, I've discovered that I prefer the 8.5 x 11 size rather than 12 x 12. I've also discovered that I prefer a clean, linear look. So, here's my style!!
The journaling reads: The eyes of a four-year-old. Elizabeth’s eyes.What does the world look like through your eyes?Is it big and scary or is it just right for you?Is it happy and loving or is it too filled with rules and restrictions? I wish I knew what you see through your eyes.When you are quiet and daydreaming, do you see dolls and pink dresses?Or are you thinking deeper thoughts?Do you have worries or concerns about preschool or about making friends?Do you have larger worries about losing loved ones or missing your grandparents?
Here’s what I see when I look into your eyes.I see beauty and love and pure happiness.I see delight at picking dandelions and bringing the “beautiful yellow flowers” to Mommy.I see full-body laughter at your Daddy and wild giggling when you “thrash” him.I see tenderness when you kiss your younger brother. I see awe when you hug your older sister. I see your great-grandmother, whose name you have.I see her past and your future all in your eyes.
Through your eyes…I see my heart as full as it can be.
Yesterday was just a gorgeous day here! About 75 and sunny with a light breeze. Spring is really here! Tom spent most of the day outside with the kids - playing ball, playing frisbee, and took them to Clay Park. We discovered something really neat yesterday. Emily is an incredible frisbee player! She has a perfect throw and she can catch very well, even doing a fancy under her leg catch. It's amazing! I took as many pictures as I could and this one came out fantastic. She's just about to throw and the concentration on her face is evident. I love this picture and I love this strong, courageous girl that she is becoming. I am so proud.
Tom gave me the best compliment today. I was showing him all the layouts I'd done for the SS scheme call and, after he had looked at all of them, he said, "The kids are going to have a blast looking at these when they are 25." Yeah!!!! I love my honey :)
Funk - I don't really like that word. It sounds vulgar. But, it's not. But, I'm in one. A big one today. A funk, that is. And, here's why.
I'm still feeling devastated for my friend, Mary, and her baby's diagnosis. She's not returning emails or checking in with the online group that we're on together. I'm very worried about her and how she is handling this dramatic and tramatic change in her life.
I finished up a SJM for Tom today. I feel so guilty. It took me a month to make myself do it. I know I had the surgery and that set me back for 2 weeks, but I still know that I could have had that motion to Tom 10 days ago and didn't. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. And, it's probably poorly written on top of taking me so long. :(
I'm sick. Fever. Sore throat. Achy. Chills.
Elizabeth and Andrew were up twice during the night last night.
I am mad! I am really ticked off! 2peas has been offline all day and most of last night. And, yes, I'm writing in green. In some sort of irrational hope that I can channel Geek and Pea and the server gods and get the Pub up and running again. Irrational anger, I know. But, I can't help it. I want 2peas!!!!
Happy Anniversary to the Pub! I wasn't there last year at its inception, but it's a huge part of my life now. My first post was on January 8, 2005, but I started lurking in November of 2004. In the Pub, I have found friends, inspiration, ideas, design tips, support - a PLACE. A place to hang out. A place to be me. A place that I like. A place that I feel accepted in. A place that allows me to be me, without exception.