Once upon a time, a lifetime ago, I dated someone other than my dh. Was, in fact, going to marry someone other than my dh. But, this story is not about that someone, but rather about his mother - Jule. I've been thinking about Jule since yesterday - when I realized that Barbie has a house very close to where she used to live and where I lived for a year. And because everywhere I turn, I see signs of breast cancer awareness month. Her son and I were together for almost 5 years - our 4 years of college and the year after. She was a second mother to me in every sense of the word. And, she was one of the best friends that I will ever have. She was 61 and I was 21, but the age difference didn't matter. Looking back on it now, I was probably happier when I was with her than I was when I was with her son. I realize that that should have set off alarm bells in my head, but hey, I was only 21.
After he and I broke up and I moved back to Maine, I thought my life was over. I missed both of them dreadfully, but the loss of her presence in my life was similar to the loss of my father's presence in my life after my parents' divorce. Maybe even harder because I was an adult. However, it was really just her physical presence that I lost. She called me all the time, wrote to me weekly, and when I met Tom three years later and we got married, she and her husband drove to Maine from New Jersey to be at my wedding. It meant the world to me. Little did I know that that was the last time I would ever see her. After I was married, we continued to write and call weekly and she was still an enormous part of my life.
As I was carrying my first child, she told me that she had breast cancer. While I was devastated, I knew that if anyone could triumph over this disease, it would be Jule. And, I was right. She made it through - more spirited and beautiful than ever. But, it was not a happy ending. The cancer came back a few years later in 2001. She was very weak, but the doctors gave her a great prognosis and I truly didn't worry much about her. We had to correspond by email because of her weakness, but other than that, not much changed. Until one day she didn't respond to my emails. And then I got an email from her granddaughter telling me that she was gone. Very unexpectedly.
As you can imagine, I was devastated. I was not able to make it to her funeral and felt terrible about not having said good-bye. A couple of weeks after her death, I was outside with my girls when a beautiful monarch butterfly landed on my arm. I was stunned and for some reason, the first thought that popped into my mind was that it was Jule - telling me that it was okay and that she was okay and that she was still there for me. All I had to do was think about her. Until that day, I don't think I'd ever really seen more than one or two monarch butterflies. But, from that day on, I've seen them all the time. And they always seem to slow down around me. I've had them land on my windshield while I was at a stop light, land on the porch railing when I was out there reading the paper, and even land on my arm again. I KNOW she's still here.
So, the psa of all this - check your boobs, ladies.