We are not doing so well. Em is struggling to keep it together in school. She has constant headaches from the wild swings in her glucose levels, is unbelievably hungry at times - crying because she's so hungry - and is spending way too much time in the nurse's office during school. After having a very long, wonderful chat with the school nurse, I realized what's going on. Em is scared. Very scared. And, she's not been telling me. Every time she sees a low level or a high level, she thinks THIS IS IT. This is the day that I go into the hospital. This is the day that I start insulin. This is the end and this is the beginning. My baby is living in fear. And, I can't stand it.
So, rather than wallow in our grief and her anxiety, it's time to bring in reinforcements. We're going to talk with the director of the diabetes clinic tomorrow and prepare ourselves with a huge list of questions for Monday's meeting with the endocrinologist. We're going to request that the rest of Em's diabetes team be assigned to her now, not when she starts insulin and goes into the hospital. The team consists of her endo, the diabetes educator, a nutritionist, and a social worker. We are already working with the first two, but we also need someone to help her not be scared to eat and someone to tell her what she can eat when she's so incredibly, furiously hungry. And, she needs someone to help her understand her feelings. It's killing me that I am not able to help her - she has stopped opening up to me. And, I know why. She knows I'm grieving, too, and she's worried about me. So, that has got to stop. I simply have to find a better way to hide my emotions from her. And, she needs someone that she can talk to without worrying about hurting that person with her feelings. So, we start anew tomorrow. A new plan, a new attitude - reinforcements.
