You never know how quickly your life can change. And I apologize ahead of time for this story - I've had very little sleep and I'm in a state of confusion right now. But, I need to get this written down while it's still fresh in my memory.
On Sunday morning, closer to noon actually, Elizabeth ( 5 years old) had a seizure. It took me a minute to realize what was going on. She had complained of a very bad headache and asked to sit on my lap. I was trying to pull her onto my lap when it seemed as if she started kicking me very hard. I tried to turn her around to scold her and that's when I realized that her entire body was rigid and her eyes were rolling back in her head. In my panic, as I tried to stand up and help, she suddenly went completely limp and rolled out of my arms onto the ground. Her eyes were open, but still rolled back. After a few seconds of me screaming her name, her eyes did gradually focus on me and she started coughing. Then I realized that she was as pale as I've ever seen a human be - green almost. I called my husband, called her pediatrician, and then we ended up calling 911 because she was not very functional at all. She would speak if spoken to, but was mostly just staring at me and continued to be a very funny color. The paramedics took us into the hospital by ambulance and then admitted her for tests. She has had a brain CT scan, an MRI, and an EEG. The CT scan and MRI are normal and we're waiting for the EEG results.
Part of me thinks that she's had seizures before that I didn't know were seizures. The doctors gave me some literature to read and I read it after I got home and something rang a bell. It described tiny seizures that look as though the person has "spaced out" - staring into space for a few seconds followed by a little jolt of awareness and a pale face. She's done that. And always seems to laugh funny at the end and has no memory of me calling her name or anything. My mom noticed it in Maine this summer and commented on it to me and I just blew it off. But, she was struck by the funny look on Libby's face and how pale she was. So, it may have been seizures.
Where we go from here is the unknown. Again. I have such a strange feeling of deja vu. But, with a different kid. Once again we enter unknown territory. Possibly into a disorder that will affect my child's entire future. Again.
I'm not sure where to go right now. Except forward. And to wait. For someone to give me an answer.
Kindergarten starts on Monday. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to just drop her off and walk away from her for the whole day. Again. Just like last fall with Emily. I want answers. I just want answers.