Hmmm. Today's post is just a mindless jumble, so feel free to stop reading now. :)
I'm thinking I need a new word. My word, as inspired by Ali, was simplify. And I really love that word. My life is chaotic most of the time and I need to simplify. Physically - we need to get rid of stuff in this house, in my scraproom, in the filing cabinets, kids' clothes - just simplify things to make everyday life easier to manage. Emotionally - I need to get rid of some baggage in many areas, give up on some ideas that no longer seem right and come to terms with some new ones.
But, another word keeps crossing my mind. And I wonder about it. Because, for the first time in my life, I've become a cup half full kind of girl. I'm not sure I could be as upbeat as Stef but I've managed to be okay through some trials and tribulations. And I'm not a natural-born cup half full type. Dh and I have always said that we're both "wallowers" - we wallow in the bad things and that's our way of dealing with them. And I don't mean that we've felt sorry for ourselves when bad things have happened or whined incessantly - just that we allowed ourselves to really live in the pain for a bit and work our way out of it. So, wallowing has been our way.
But, I've changed. Slowly, but over the past couple of years, I think my whole personality has changed. I feel more comfortable in my own skin, in my beliefs, in my life. I said two years ago that I felt like I was having a midlife crisis and I joked about it a lot. Looking back, I think maybe I really was. LOL! Because I've changed. I don't tend to wallow anymore. I tend to keep my head about me and stay okay with the bad things. And I'm just now realizing that maybe, just maybe, I've kind of gotten my act together over these past 2 years. (Honey, you are so not allowed to comment on that. :p) And the thing that's helped me get this all figured out is perspective. When my grandmother died (two years ago yesterday), it was beyond devastating. She was a parent to me really, not a grandparent. And with the exception of another death, there's not much that could ever make me feel that bad again. See, it's the perspective. The bad stuff just isn't as bad anymore. So, there's no need to wallow. It's just a thing and it will get better.
So, I'm thinking I need to change my word to perspective to remind myself of this new me. Because right now I hate that my child has epilepsy. But, really, it's just a thing. She's fine, she's going to keep being fine and, even when I'm hating it and I hate that she's not allowed on the playground equipment at school anymore and I hate that she's suddenly different than her classmates, she's really totally fine. She's perfectly healthy and she's generally pretty happy. And when I remember to keep my perspective, my anger goes away. So we have to change some things to make sure she doesn't injure herself. No biggie. It's simply not worth the wallow. I've got better things to do with my time. :)
Or maybe I'm just so damn sleep deprived that none of this makes sense. :p