steph's stuff

Elizabeth the Brave

 

All supplies from Designer Digitals and full credits are here.

One of the images that I can't get out of my mind from this past week is what Elizabeth did on Monday morning. It was her first day back at school since her seizure on Thursday. Unfortunately, both second grade classes saw the seizure, so I immediately knew that we had to make this "normal" for them, too. I received some phone calls, emails, and notes through Facebook from moms who were attempting to explain it all to their kids and, while we had talked about epilepsy with Libby's class after she was diagnosed, that was a couple of years ago. We had to explain it to them and make it just a tiny part of who Elizabeth is so that she's not defined by her seizure disorder.

So, on Monday, she took in her favorite book about epilepsy, "Becky the Brave," and read it to both classes.

 

She sat in a chair while 35 other children gathered around her feet and she read the entire book to them. When students asked questions about seizures afterwards, she answered them proudly. She even ticked off on her fingers the seizures she's had and where she was when she had them. It took all I had in me not to cry. Her teacher didn't fare as well, though. It was one of those moments that I'll never, ever forget even though I have no pictures of it.

And since we love the Becky book so much, I quickly whipped up this layout last night and I'm going to frame it and hang it in her room. Because she is even braver than Becky. :)

So, deep breaths, and on we go. Today, we're all working on "normal." She made it through the entire day of school yesterday and that was HUGE. She was very tired and had to rest a few times at school for a few minutes, but she made it.

And, really, while I've put a lot about her on my blog this week, we are all going about our daily activities. We're not letting it consume our lives. But, my blog is my space to vent, so this has been a little Libby-heavy. :)

There is no normal

 

Why do I always say I can't wait until life gets back to normal? By now, you'd think I would realize that there is no "normal." LOL! Nothing else has happened, but I'm just exhausted and would love to at least have a stretch of time without a medical event. I'm too tired to really post, so I'm just going to use bullet points. I love bullet points. :) Here's my thoughts right now:

• Emily's cast comes off on Friday. Assuming her wrist is completely healed. Dear God, please let her wrist be completely healed. She can't bathe herself, participate in sports at school, and she's had to give up both the violin and the clarinet. We neeeeeeed this cast off.
• We're thinking of traveling to see my brother and his family over spring break - in just a few weeks. I've been looking forward to this forever, but now, not so much. I'm not sure I'm up to it. However, I know we'll have so much fun. I just wish it wasn't so much working getting a family of five ready for a trip.
• I have to schedule the dog for obedience training. HAVE TO.
• I'm so bummed that I can't go to my LSS this weekend. They have classes all weekend. :(
• I just discovered Stampin' Up and think I'm in love. Holy cow, why didn't someone tell me??? (Addie, don't be mad at me, please!!!)
• We have sooooo much yardwork to be done and I'm too tired to even contemplate it.
• I'm really enjoying Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred DVD. Seriously. I like it. I think I've lost my mind.
• I'm back on Weight Watchers after gaining back a ton of the weight I lost last year. :(
• I'm working on a long, long post (maybe even a separate typepad page) about epilepsy. I would have given anything to have found information from a parent when Libby was diagnosed and I'd like to get all of this in one place so that just maybe our information can help someone else.
• Elizabeth is the bravest person I know. Watching her walk into school today, knowing how scared she was, simultaneously broke my heart and made me incredibly proud.

That's all I have for now. Off to try and work out and then shower in case school calls and I need to go get the Libster.

milkshakes + neurologists

 

photos taken with my phone

I think we have good news from the neurologist. Or at least neutral news. It appears that nothing new has cropped up with Libby's epilepsy. And THAT is good news. The other good news is that Elizabeth had a great time at the neuro's office because I let her get a chocolate milkshake beforehand and take it with her. :)

But, let me backtrack a bit and fill in some gaps. I never really explained what had happened and I want to do that now. If only so that I will remember it next time.

We got a call at noon last Thursday saying that Elizabeth was having a seizure at school. By the time we go there, she had totally regained consciousness and was on the bed in the nurse's office. She was very confused about what had happened and didn't remember much so the teacher filled us in. She had not felt well all morning (she often has migraines) and had been given Advil at snack time. Right before lunch, a little boy in her class got sick all over one of the desks. To help them clean up, the teachers combined both second grade classes into one classroom and it was fairly loud and chaotic - just exactly what can trigger a seizure for Elizabeth. Within minutes, she said she started seeing sparkly lights all over the classroom (the first time she's ever had an aura before a seizure) and told the teacher that she didn't feel well. The teacher put her at a desk and Libby immediately put her head down, but it got worse and she got scared and started to cry. The teacher got her up and started walking her towards the door to get her out of the classroom. But, they didn't make it.

As soon as they started walking, Elizabeth had a grand mal seizure. Her teacher actually saw her stiffen and start to fall and was able to catch her before she fell into a large bookcase. She scooped her up into her arms and ran with her to the nurse's office while Elizabeth seized in her arms. Elizabeth has no memory of any of this. When we got there, we had to tell her what had happened and she didn't believe us. In her mind, she had fallen and hurt her chest. She simply had no idea. She was also having chest pains, so we spent most of Thursday afternoon at the ped's office getting checked out and then making arrangements to see the neurologist today.

Needless to say, it was rough emotionally on all of us and horribly scary for Elizabeth, her teacher, and others at her school. My biggest fear was that something had worsened with her epilepsy. It had been 21 months without a seizure. All weekend long, I've had a million questions and fears going through my head. Why a seizure now? Had it progressed? Is another part of her brain now affected? Are her seizures going to be controllable now? Is it going to cause cognitive problems? Do we have to restrict her activities?

And the hardest part of all of it - the part that KILLS me as a mother - is that she loses so much of the confidence that she's gained since the last one. It is now scary again for her to be alone, for her to play on the school playground equipment, even to go to the bathroom alone at school. Building up that self-confidence is so hard. And I can't tell her she won't have another seizure. I can't protect her. It kills me. :(

But, today the neurologist felt confident that nothing has changed. She was very calm and matter-of-fact about it and said that she thinks that Libby has just outgrown her medication dosage. Unfortunately, we can't increase the dosage on this med because when we did that last year to try to help with her migraines, Elizabeth became clinically depressed. It scared the life out of me and we can't risk that again. So, to combat the side effects that come with increasing the dosage levels on this med, we have to switch to another medication. Which sounds like no big deal. But, it's a HUGE deal. With epilepsy meds, you can't just go off one med and start another. You have to very slowly wean yourself off of one med while you slowly increase the dosage off the other one. It can take 5-8 weeks to complete the process and during that time, you are at an increased risk of a seizure.

So, that's where we are. I'm trying to be calmer now and realize that this is not necessarily bad news. She's growing and things are just going to change as she grows. We've changed meds before and gotten through it and we'll get through this one, too.  And she's doing better. I think she feels more confident hearing the neurologist say that she's okay and that it's "just" a med switch.

 

 

She was laughing and playig with the "baby toys" at the neuro's office today and practically skipped out of there after the neuro told her that her exam was perfect. So, that's our attitude for right now. Life as usual with lots of bravery thrown in for good measure. :)

For the love of paper

 

I ran away yesterday to the only place I really knew where to go and yet still be only 5 minutes from the house in case Libby needed me. I went to my local scrapbooking store. For some reason, even though I have been saying for months now that I wanted more time for digi scrapping, it was the first place that came to mind. I used to go there every Friday night and crop. Alone a lot of the time, but sometimes with friends. And so I packed up some white and kraft cardstock, some photos, a few tools, and went to the LSS.

And I rediscovered my love of paper. It was the most therapeutic scrapping I have done in two years. It was like I had never been away from it and had never discovered digi scrapping. I did 5 layouts in under 2.5 hours and I think they are some of my favorite layouts ever. It was simply effortless. I'm still kind of in awe at how easy it all was. I wasn't scrapping for an assignment, I didn't have to use certain products or make sure that I followed any directions. I simply scrapped because it was fun and for no other reason than because I wanted to. It was completely freeing.

What's funny is that with digi scrapping, I almost prefer having an assignment rather than just being so free. I don't know what the difference is but they are almost like two completely different hobbies to me. And I'm so glad to know that I haven't fallen out of love with one of them. :)

Off to the neurologist tomorrow, so I'll be back with an update tomorrow night about Libby. She's had a good day. :)

I'm running away

 

So, I lied. I didn't come back later with updates on Libby and her seizure. I'm just not up to it. She hasn't slept well, she's anxious and worried, we're exhausted and completely emotionally drained. Especially knowing that we're switching her medications and knowing how difficult that is - physically, cognitively, and emotionally on her. And obviously on us. It's hard to go more than 5 feet away from her. Dropping her off at school on Monday is going to kill me. I talked to her teacher last night and she was still in tears over it. She said, "HOW do you let her go?" She got it. Totally. I couldn't even answer.

But, I have to. So, today I'm going to run away for a few hours. It will help. I need to get away from the constant thinking about it and get some perspective so I can deal with it all better. I know we'll get through it. But, I have to get my wits about me so that I'm able to be strong for her. I'm gonna head out to the local scrapping store (the best one in the world, I might add) and do some scrapping. For some reason, I feel the need to work with paper today. I think it will help.

And that picture above? I bet you died laughing when you saw it. :)  In law school, there's a huge party and dance every spring called the Barrister's Ball. This was our 3L Barrister's Ball, I think, so it would have been 1996. Can you say shoulder pads?!?! And man, my hairdresser says that the highlights she puts in are just a shade or two darker than my natural color. Ummmm.......I think she's lying. My hair in this photo was completely natural and it's DARK.

Off to run away. Have a good day. I'm going to try to. :)

I hate epilepsy

Just when I thought we were getting somewhere and Libby was doing so well. Bam. A grand mal seizure at school today in front of all of her classmates. It was horrible for her, horrible for her classmates, terrifying for her teacher and just scary for all of us. :(

I'll post more tomorrow and I even took pictures of Libby while we waited for some test results at the doctor's office. They let her have a wheelchair and we were trying to have some fun.

But, for right now, I just have to say how much I hate epilepsy. I hate it!!!!!!!!!

Looking for some DIY advice

   

This layout has nothing to do with this post, but I'm one of those weirdos that likes a photo in every post, so this layout is just gratuitous. :) All supplies from Designer Digitals and full credits are here.

But this post is really about DIY house stuff. I neeeeeeeed help! I am at that point where I hate my house. Absolutely hate it. It's too small for us, we have too much stuff, and we're bursting at the seams. Our dream houses are all now in our reach financially-speaking but only if we were to sell this house at what it was worth 2 years ago. And, in this market, there's no way we'd get what we want from it. Sigh.

So......what can I do to help myself like the house more? Besides painting. I already have some painting projects almost ready to go. But, what else? I would love to hear some advice and ideas and even links to projects that can really change the way something looks without spending too much money. Especially in a too-small kitchen and dining room.

Creative Memories Spring/Summer Catalog

 

I can't tell you how excited I am to have the CM Spring/Summer Catalog out! As many of you know, with any manufacturer or publisher, you have to work about 6 months out. So, the layouts I did when I first started with CM are finally out there. You can see all of the projects in the new catalog here, including all of my projects, supply lists and instructions.

Here's a few more of mine. I love, love, LOVE working with this company!!!

 

 

Can you tell which is digital and which is paper? :)

moving on

 

Okay, so let's push yesterday's post down a bit, shall we? Forgive me for having those introspective and perhaps maudlin moments and posting them here, but I did say that I was keeping it real this year. :) And, yeah, some days just suck. But, moving on. I don't stay down for that long. Tomorrow will be better.

And moving on in another way. Today was my last day as part of the design team at ScrapSupply and that was my last layout as part of the team. You can see Kay's article here. I'm sad, I'm nostalgic, but I'm also excited about having more free time and spending more time on CM projects and digital projects. I will have lots of fun CM projects to put up later this week! I can FINALLY share some of the things I've been working on. :)

So, here's to moving on. :) And thanks for the emails.

i want a re-do

 

With the exception of the weather on Friday (see above photo - it was glorious outside!!!), I want a weekend re-do. Just one of those weekends where I was plagued by inner demons at every single turn. Questioning whether I would ever get over some issues, wondering if I was really a good mom, and finding out that some relationships in my life are not what I thought they were. (Sorry to be so darn vague, but as much as I'd love to vent it all out here, life is not all about me - LOL - and I need to respect the privacy of those around me.)

I'm finding more and more as I get older that life just isn't what I thought it would be. And that it just gets harder all the time. Do you remember being 16 and envying the college kids? Thinking that they surely must have life figured out and it would be so cool to just be that old? And then realizing when you were the college kid that nothing was ever really figured out? It just got more complicated.

And then thinking that you couldn't wait to have kids because surely you would have it all figured out by then! You'd be an adult! Hell, you'd be a MOM - Moms have it allllllll figured out! And then when you realized that that was all a bunch of bull, too, as much as didn't like the aging process, surely, SURELY, you would have it all figured out when you hit 40. I mean, 40-year-olds are not just adults. They're old adults. LOL!

Only to get to that point, too, and realize that you never get it figured out. You just don't. It keeps getting more and more complicated as you go. Well, yeah. That's me. I still feel like that insecure teenaged girl I used to be. Only now, the hurts seem to hurt more. And the worries are bigger. And everything you do impacts your kids now, too. So, you have to get through each day and take care of everybody all the same even though you're dealing with all of the crap inside.

So, yeah, I want a re-do. Of a lot of things. But, I'd start with this weekend.