Bear with me - I'm going back to blogging like I used to. Gone are the days of the every other week blogging with pretty pictures of the new house or the beach. Mental dumping is back. Much verbage will now spill forth because I need to get it off my chest and this is my personal journal basically and if you don't want to read about my neuroses and angst, feel free to leave now. :)
So, yesterday was Day 1 of the new school(s) for the kids. I guess I have to sum it up by saying that 2 out of 3 ain't bad. But, let me back up before I get to the summation.
I was dreading this day like you wouldn't believe. There's been nothing but change in our lives since April and this was the biggest one yet - leaving our small, safe, sheltered school environment and joining in a bigger public school system. But, it also will be one of the last changes. And that's getting me through the day today.
I'm not opposed to change. It's not always easy and I've struggled with it in the past simply because my childhood didn't involve enough security and change could mean bad things back then. As I've gotten older, change has gotten easier for sure. But my kids have never really had any big changes. Same house, same school, same friends, same vacations every year, blah, blah, blah. In other words, they have been sheltered. Tom and I wanted them to have the security that we didn't have. And we have done a great job of making them feel secure, I think. Not that they've been spoiled - I'm not that mom. I'm a disciplinarian and I have a lot of expectations from my kids. And both my girls have gone through so many medical ups and downs that they've definitely not had it easy. But, they have been sheltered from many things.
And that came to an end - to an extent - yesterday. The new schools are big. Larger class sizes and a lot more kids. Libby's and Andrew's school has three times as many children per grade as they are used to. And Emily's school...well...it's just huge compared to what we're used to. The middle school has twelve times as many children per grade as her old school. Twelve times. That's a BIG change. And it did not go well for her.
Both girls had fallen apart earlier in the week and I was seriously sweating bullets about how Day 1 was going to go.
Emily cried through her orientation at the new school last week, wouldn't do the entire math placement test partially out of fear and partially because of bad instructions and is now stuck in a class that is way too easy for her, and then she sobbed her way around the building trying to find her classes after the test. Luckily for her, the building was mostly empty during that orientation so she was able to work out her emotions on her own. And we had what I call a "come to Jesus" talk after that. A talk about courage and bravery and loss and how to deal with it all. A talk about digging deep inside of yourself and making a choice about how to deal with the changes that life has dealt her. A talk about how gratitude for what she has goes a long way. And a talk about what our expectations were of her. She's had 4 months to deal with the loss of her old school. It's now time to accept that loss and move on. Going back is simply not an option.
Libby had a full-blown panic attack and was on the verge of a seizure at her orientation. She had thought that a friend from her old school was going to be in her class and that had really given her a lot of courage. When we got to the orientation, we found out that the lists were wrong and he was not in her class. And she completely fell apart. I was shocked. I didn't expect it all because she had been so excited but the anxiety disorder kicked in big time and I had to do some serious talking to help her control her emotions. We also had a "come to Jesus" talk about how she needs to stay healthy and avoid seizures and she needs to control her emotions in order to do that. And this is a not a child who is short on courage. She's gone through more medically in the past 4 years than I've gone through in my entire life. And she's done it with a smile. So, she needed to regain control of herself quickly.
After all of that and a day or so to pull themselves together, both girls went to the bus stop on Day 1 with excellent attitudes. I was so incredibly proud of both of them. They pulled it together, had fun planning their outfits, and took off towards the bus with a smile.
(And lest you forget that I have a 3rd child, I'm not ignoring Andrew. He is just simply the happiest, easiest little boy in the world and has no fears. He's a social butterfly and seems to accept that changing schools is like changing his shirts. There is no angst - hence, not much on the blog about him. Bad mommy. I know. But we all know that this blog is all about me. Right? Right. Okay.)
So...the little kids' bus came an hour before the middle school bus. Both Andrew and Libby walked on the bus, sat down with their neighbors and waved happily to me as they took off.
Emily was a bit tentative at her bus stop but still followed her friend and neighbor on bravely enough.
And then I came home and had to sweat through the next 6 hours waiting for them to come home. I seriously considered just breaking out the tequila but figured the other moms at the bus stop might not be impressed if I couldn't walk a straight line at pick-up time.
So, I cleaned all day. Almost frantically. On my hands and knees doing baseboards even. My husband didn't recognize the house when he came home.
Oh, and wait! Before we get to the bad parts, it's time for pictures! I can't blog without photos. Even if it did take me over 1,000 spaces of verbage to get to them.
My sweet little Andrew - eager, happy, excited, and anxious to meet new friends.
Oh, and as you'll notice, there is virtually no dress code at the school. Another big change for the kids but this one a good one. As you'll see, they all wore jeans.
Libby's attitude seriously rocked! She had such a huge turn-around after our talk and said to me at breakfast, "Wow, Mom. I just totally freaked out the other day, didn't I?" She got it. And she did good. :)
And now Em - notice the Beatles shirt. She also had a Beatles backpack, Beatles folders and notebooks, a Paul McCartney bracelet and peace necklace on. My 60s chick. But see the nerves behind this smile? Foreshadowing of things to come.
So, where was I before we showed the pretty pictures?
Oh yeah. The bus picked up the kids, I decided against getting drunk, and cleaned while I waited for the bus to deliver them back to me at the end of the day.
To my great surprise, the day flew by and my awesome neighbors kept my spirits and nerves steady. The cleaning helped, too.
When the bus opened its doors, Libby was the first one off and literally flew straight into my arms, yelling, "It was awesome, Mom!"
Andrew followed her more calmly and said, "Yeah, it was great, Mom. Can I go play now?"
So, whew! They had a good day! I was smiling and asking questions and secretly sighing an enormous sigh of relief. I almost floated back to the house to get them popsicles.
And then the middle school bus arrived. And Emily flew off the bus, too, just as Libby had. But, as she launched herself into my arms, she burst into tears and went into the ugly cry. NOT good. At all.
After two hours of tears and lots of questioning and talking things through, it became clear that it was simply an enormous culture shock. She's used to being with the same small group of kids for every single class. Sure, she changed teachers for every class but she was with the same kids in one small hallway every single day for 6 years. Here, her classmates changed with every class change. Big culture shock. Her safe little bubble burst over and over again and the size of the school totally overwhelmed her. There are so many students that she can go practically all day without seeing our neighbors and her few friends that she knows. So, she felt alone and scared and was pointed out as "that new kid" in several classes. She ate lunch alone, sat alone for classes, and was mocked for being the only kid who raised her hand in at least one class. She held herself together all day long and then completely fell apart when she saw me and knew she was safe again.
And I have to give her credit for that. She handled some very tough and scary situations well and got through the day. I can't fault her for that and I'm glad she felt safe enough to fall apart with me. And our neighbors are simply the best but I'm saving all of that for another day with a post entitled, "My Neighbors Are Better Than Your Neighbors." Because they are.
So today we'll march out to the bus stop again. And hope that Andrew and Libby have another great day and get through Day 2. And we'll give Emily as many pep talks as she can stand and remind her that it can only get better. At least I hope. I'm hanging onto that for my own sanity, frankly.
Andrew and Libby are already excited to go back. So, 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? :)
