steph's stuff

Re-entry is hard

Good morning, kittens! They are doing so well with their little cat door that takes them down to the basement. They are only locked in overnight so that we can all get some sleep and they are free to come and go, upstairs and downstairs, all day long. Every morning when we unlock their door, I get excited to see them again. If they had been sleeping on my head all night long, I would not be so excited to see them. So the cat door was a good investment. 

Every once in a while, though, that little cat door swings back towards them and smacks them in the head. And they back up, shake their head and try to push it open again.

I felt like that little cat door smacked me in the head yesterday. The kids went back to school after being home on Spring Break for 10 days and my re-entry was hard. I like them being home with me. A lot. I love my kids with all of my heart but I also like them with all of my heart. They are smart and funny and loving and so level-headed. And they talk to me about their likes and dislikes, about their friends, their classes, their teachers, about their dreams, hopes, and goals, and about their worries and fears. They share themselves with me and I am so honored that they do. 

So when they go back to school, I miss them terribly and it's hard to get back into a rhythm. I was just off all day - trying to get through that kitty door - and then also had to compose and send two very difficult emails today, effectively saying good-bye to some parts of my life. On top of that, my vet told me yesterday that he's leaving the area for another opportunity. Because of all the health issues that our crazy puppy has had, I've spent a lot of time with Dr. R over the past three years - a LOT. He had tears in his eyes when he told me and it was all I could do not to break down and cry over his departure. He has been so wonderful to work with and I will miss him a lot.

So, yeah. Re-entry was hard. I had some hard, hard moments during the day and I missed my kids more than I can say. But that little kitty door has to give at some point and I'll start over with a shake of my head and try to push it open again tomorrow.

A new chapter

(my view driving Emily to school one day)

I've been nostalgic a lot lately and it's because something in our house has shifted this year - this school year. Both girls started new schools - high school and middle school. And gradually over the past few months, we've realized that we're in an entirely new chapter of our lives. Emily will be a sophomore next year, Libby will be entering seventh grade (which I still think is the grade Emily should be in), and Andrew will be starting his last year in elementary school. 

There's so much new about all of this - the changes have brought driver's ed, boyfriends, worries about GPAs and AP classes and colleges already, a few more minor medical issues for Libby as she grows older, very different interests and friends for the girls as they mature, and my baby turns 10 in a couple of days. And it's all new in a very good and positive way. It's really exciting to see them grow and have more mature conversations with them and *gulp* even get ready to move on in just three years, in Emily's case.

But it's also bittersweet as well as fun and happy and exciting. There's really only eight years left of our lives with a child home with us full-time. We've been parenting for over 15 years and we're 2/3 of the way to having the kids all out of the house. That's daunting and makes me miss the kids being younger.

And with all of these thoughts comes the reality that we don't know if we have forever. I lost two friends to cancer during the month of March. And with those shocks and that grief comes the desire to cherish every moment I have with my kids and my husband. It all goes by too quickly and I want to enjoy every little bit of it that I can. And try to look forward to all the fun we have ahead of us instead of what's almost over. And appreciate each new chapter as it comes.